Opening my Third Eye or The Meeting of My Minds

So like, as its well documented in hiphop; cassidy & t.I. both battled themselves, which is pretty cool and it takes a skilled person to have a conversation with oneself; just ask Za, or read my other blog. Now lets be real here; as skilled as you must be to hold a conversation with just yourself; there has to be a certain level of crazy to attempt such a feat and not look like a fool. Which leads me to my next point; nobody has ever taken the time out to try and have a triple conversation with themselves; at least not to my recollection. So, I'm going to assume you have to be half-crazy, a li'l schitzo and a borderline genius to do such things. So anyway without futher ado; the meeting of the minds, Zat & Ronin meet Sensei. Sensei; Zat & Ronin. This should be a really good read...(if done properly)

(All letters are simple to understand; we know who each is.)

"S: hello, gentlemen; I'm glad that you could make it.
Z: no big; I wasn't busy; the comic will be there
R: yup yup.
S: well, lets get the formalities out of the way; Zat I'm sure you're aware of why your here
Z: yes, we've been in a jam before, and I'm always willing to help things go a lot smoother.
S: Ronin; since this is your first time here; I'll explain the formalities; usually I call a meeting of this nature with Zat just so I can get a second opinion or a different view on things; but things have gotten dire in my situation so, I need a third opinion.
R: I understand; I'm honored you contacted me for the meeting; I've been wondering when you were going to have it; you've been stressed the fuck out these last few days.
S: yeah man, its been rough...
Z: so, Sei; what's on your mind; what's goings on with you?
S: welp; to start, this job is gettin on my last fuckin nerve and I can't just leave, because I need the money. I mean you know dan's been pushin me for this Primerica shit; but I'm not feeling it just yet
R: man, look I don't trust that primerica shit; it takes too long to get started. Yeah the money is good but the sacrifice in the beginning is too much for my taste.
Z: yeah, but you can roll with it and keep a steady income or paycheck at the same time; and when the cash flows bounce out the job
S: fuck all that, I'm no fuckin with it until I can afford failure.
R: or you could take the risk, he is offering you a great reward in the long run
S: too many unknowns; yall both know I like to be sure the cash flow is comin
Z: you're right; but keep an eye on it, you've known that dude since yall were like 6; second family and all, he knows his financials; just keep an eye on it.
S: I'm well aware; that's why I haven't given up on the whole thing yet.
Z: clearly you had that already figured out before we even sat down at the triangluar table; what's really goin on kid?
R: and don't tell me its some shit due to lack of fun; or I wouldn't be here at all.
S: well, it goes like this; I think, I've kept my personal shell & guard up so long that I've become isolated and alone in the world.
R: I told you to stop with the shell shock shit; it always comes up
S: yeah, I know but its my nature, celestially; you know I'm a believer of the star characteristics of a person
Z: dude that's not the point. You've talked to me about this 'shell' nonsense once before, and I told you something along these lines would happen
S: I know
Z: apparently you didn't
R: if you did you would have listened the first time; and then the time we spoke on it.
S: I tried to take care of the situations myself never asking for help; trying to take on all problems from myself, and helping the burdens of others like atlas
R: and that's why your shell is caving and it seems that all the world is turning its back
Z: when help everyone, but won't go anywhere when you need it the most; will tear your trust psyche apart; and what ends up happening is...
S: ...the closest people get pushed away, because they feel that you can't trust them with anything.
R: you already knew...
S: yeah, it happened before; close friends, I never told them my issues and they just stopped talking to me, or I did something to disrespect our friendship, and had to end up rebuilding; almost from scratch.
Z: see what happens when you want to be alone?
S: I don't want to be alone; I long each day for the feeling of love and to be with someone
R: you have that...
S: ...had as of right now
R: come again?
S: I'll explain in a min.
R: ...alright, but anyway you had that and what did you do?
S: I was afraid; stone scared to believe it was really there
Z: Grandma Syndrome?
S: yes.
R: dude...we both told you to drop that a long time ago. Back before you even graduated...
Z: that was 10th grade; nothing is going to change that anymore; you keep the guard you'll never realize something fuckin spectacular when it comes along and stares you in the eyes.
S: I know...I just...its..I've never really had anyone to sit and just let it all out too, I was worried that it might scare them away from me, even at grief counsling. Which I went to because I couldn't talk to moms.
R: Lauren loves you; did you ever talk to her about it?
S: I tried; but I couldn't bring myself to put a burden like that on her heart and mind.
R: boy; that girl loves you with everything she has. Why would you keep something of that nature and importance away?
S: fear? Doubt? Regret? Idk worry, maybe. Iono what it was that was hindering; but its gone now.
Z: how do you know for sure?
S: its simple; I play hard on the exterior and everyone can see the bullshit that I put up as a deterant or shield or whatever; but with her its like my bullshit shield is nulla and void, and she can see clean through it, like it doesn't exist. Which is a big attraction point; because through the bullshit w/ everybody else I can't be myself how I want; but with her its like, I can let the geek/nerd muscles free and just be smart, and nerdy and enjoy the simplest things. When I accepted that, I gave her my heart. And I told her she had it, which meant to me that she was my world and I lived for her from that moment on. This was back in '06 right when I moved to fla. We grew closer together; had a few spats; but I never felt the need to keep a hardened hart around her, which left me vulnerable. I never intended for either of us to get hurt, or have something happen, I can't get over the thought that she's going to be my wife and the mother of my kids.
R: that wasn't simple, nigga
S: df up; in other words: I gave her my all, and I became open to my feelings again.
Z: couldn't have
S: I was..
Z: no, you weren't because if you were truely open, this whole situation wouldn't be happening.
S: maybe you're right
R: ain't no maybe nigga; he is and you know it. You can only keep telling yourself your giving your all, and holding even just the smallest amount back, and expect the small amnt not to get to you, or for her to figure it out. That's where the showing of the flashes of greatness came from; she could tell there was something missing.
S: you know better than me, that I'm not a vocally affectionate person
Z: so you use what your best at; problem solving, creativity and solution oriented thinking to give her reasons to understand you or even bear with you until you do switch coasts. Don't say you're going to do one thing, keep at it, and then slip into an old habit just out of insecureties. She's your ... she's there to help you through tough shit like that, if anything tell her the insecureties and deal with them together, turn them into secureties.
S: yeah your right...
R: no shit; he's blind, he doesn't have time to see things at face value, he is the deeper meaning.
S: and your the lone wolf, why do you have such insight
R: its simple, I chose to be the lone wolf, so its easier for me to understand both sides and help figure out solutions.
S: ok, so where were you before?
R; here the whole time.
S: yeah...
R: you just never made it a point to ask anybody for help, and now your stuck on the ledge w/ very little margine for error. She knows you love her, she knows you care about her; I can't speak for her, but one can only hope that the talks of you two getting married still linger in her mind. The love and affection is still there, she's not doing wrong by you, and you still have the phone. Your not out of her life. Its just something that's confusing for us to understand because of the weight of the relationship and the situationals behind it all.
Z: you know damn well, when we're on nothing can compare to the love that we share. and there's nothing that I can think of that's going to just force her to break her promises to you. Yall are young; whole lives ahead of you, what's one mth apart if you both want to get back together.
S: as much as I love her? One month is an eternity. Every moment with her felt like time stood still for us, and that everything was centered. Without her, things have slowly crumbled around me.
Z: dude. You're not listening right now; peep, the situation stands that she's not with you, not out of spite, but for ease of explanation, so chillax. You know your both wanting to get back, you both long for it, put the guard down, and relax. The whole damn family loves you --
R: the ones who matter
Z: -- yeah the ones who matter, the members of your family whom she knows and talked to love her; your friends have told you that the couple is perfect, and you've relayed the message. Stop thinking so damn hard.
S: yeah, I dig you on all of that, but to me, I'd give up EVERYTHING right now just to have her back in my life.
R: everything, like...?
S: dude everything, my life as it stands here, I'd abandon my family, my friends, my job, all of it, poof. Just to have her back. She was my happiness, and without her; I could be surrounded by everything and it wouldn't matter. You don't realize it do you?
R: dude don't give us that; your comic story line is based loosely off of your relationship with her. You sit and compare the relationship to tv couples because you have moments that remind you of yall when watching...I know
S: ok then I don't need to go on.
Z: nope. What we can do now, is throw our last phase into action, and just wait patiently. Agreed?
S & R: Agreed.
Z: so, anything else?
S: welp, I'm enjoying the freedom of the house with jim, a little peeved that I usually have to clean everything, but that's cool
R: it happens, it'll be aight.
S: yeah I know.
R: I liked that change blog, too dude
Z: yeah man shit was very well put together
S: thx, I've been overdue for blogging anyway. So much on my mind.
Z: yeah dude, I believe you and she's your future, its just going to take a second to get back to where you where.
R: have you talked to her yet?
S: been wanting to; but I can't force her, all I can do is ask.
R: this is true, too much pressure will bust the pipes;
Z: just chill the hell out. How was the weekend
S: weekend was fuckin awesome. Chilled with the boy got fat and relaxed. It was almost like a mini vacation from everything.
Z: so your glad you went?
S: yes, it was a weekend well spent; and I even found a faster ride up now that I ran back into adam.
R: good money.
S: very. But now I'm back to the daily grind, and I really don't have much else to say...I'm just glad I could get your help.
R: who knows you better than you?
S: yeah, I guess your right, I mean shit, where is the advice-giver supposed to go when he needs help and doesn't have his own mother to turn to? Introspective!!
Z: shutup nigga; if you weren't borderline crazy this would NOT have worked.
S: whatever, I ain't crazy; just an only child, develpmental stages were a bit different.
R: yeah whatever, you spoke to yourself as three different entities just to work out a problem.
Z: which did work
S: who else was I to turn to?
R & Z :anybody?
S: certain people give shitty advice, especially when they turn to me most of the time anyway.
Z: I'm aware, the best advice I can give you is to just chill, things will work out.
S: never will I give up; thx for the time gentlemens.
Z & R: anytime bro."

So like...its totally not hard for me to do something like that, but I do know where my friends lie and I appreciate those who have helped me, the rest of you are worthless fucks. I'll be around, but not for anything important.