Wow, Sensei; you have a triple title this time? Wtf is really goings on? Can we help? Sorry students, this is something Sensei & his ... must work out on their own; interestingly tho; his ... can't seem to be alone. Its not that Sensei can't deal with the problems; but its that usually when he's having problems he would go to his ... and she might not know the problem, but it will give him a release so that he didn't have to swim as deep in his own thoughts; escape from the problem only to return with a perfect solution. Its just at this moment the problem, I guess you can call it resides deep in his own self-reliance and aura. I took a look in the mirror the other day, and what I saw wasn't pretty; well uglier than normal. Kid's face was rather long; aura on the outside looked as if the storm of the century was brewing; eyes more dull than a mud-caked pair of shoes; the last hint of hope clinging to the back of the spirit with all its might; the faintest winds could blow and end it all. Some days the face brightens, some days the hope pulls itself up to bicep level and is relaxed with both arms; the aura is a shimmering off-white, and other days its almost as if the Dementors from the prisons of Azkaban have came and gotten a hold of me. I know, I know that's some dark shit to think and ponder; and you might not even get the gist of what I'm saying yet. So, here, put these on, fresh pair of Sensei's and take a short road trip:
As a person, I found that I was delightfully entertained by music at a young age; which every little kid is, but when I was like 10+ I started to listen to classic music by great artists such as The Isley Brothers; Anita Baker; The Commodores; Smokey Robinson & The Miracle; Patti LaBelle, et cetra. So since that was the soundtrack to my formative years, and I couldn't sing, I became more in tune with poetic expression or just expressing personal feelings through outlets of words and music. So I became a what I like to call a musicologist, which is the practical application of music to daily life & thought processes. So, I've always been a firm believer of the 'softer' side of life, yanno love, happiness, soul mates joy pleasure yadda...welp, I always took the time out to turn to music when I need something; usually as a beginning outlet so I can express myself through words, wether is writing a poem or escaping into a second reality w/ a short story or fiction work. On the flip side I would apply songs to the same sense of my happiness and greater good moods, partying w/ house music; emersion in jazz and lyrical raps. And the expression of my feelings through the usage of different artists expressions. in other words; when a song plays; I throw myself at the mercy of the bars and lyrics. So it hasn't been an easy ride on the coaster of life, being that my favorite genre is r&b and I stand at the corner of senitivity and emotion on a daily basis.
Which in turn explains why I broke my first iPod, deleted my entire r&b mp3's before and destroyed two very well put together r&b mix cd's. Its all well and good because there was a turning point; something special hit in june of 06 and actually start reconsidering how I took the application of songs; special moment it was in aug of 06 when I realized I was right and I could listen to 'overjoyed' by stevie wonder and know exactly what he was talking about. Its a good feeling to have...fast forward, and right now it seems that the thrill is gone, and the sunshine has left right along with her. To be honest; I'm goin down cause she's not around and my whole world is upside down, its like while these 336hrs and counting pass, its like I'm going in circles; and there's something in my heart that has me hooked on her; I need her bad like the air I breath but I can't seem to get past being the exfactor right now; and even though she knows noone loves me more than her, she can't seem to understand that I care for her more than she can ever seem to grasp. Between the two of us; its going to take some understanding, and I promise that I'll stay true, to the point that every little step I take is for her; I can't leave her alone, for reasons beyond my comprehension I'm feenin for her love. And she already should know by now that I'll never make a promise that I can't keep, and being that the hope is she'll read this, I'm prepared to start back at one.
Say what you want about Sensei going soft, but I disagree; usually its an outsider who hasn't been in the same predicament or hasn't felt the same way that I have who seems to have an underlying comment about our situation and that I'm wrong for keeping hope for the two of us. If you've ever had a serious conversation about me in refrence to my entire relationship with her, you know I did some fuckery before and it was unexcusable and the fix was created, somehow just by a band-aid we stayed together. Now we're here at a crossroads, we both believe in our love and we both believe in our future, simply because of privatized discussions; tough fuckin month I'm finishin out, but in my eyes heart mind body and soul I have a feeling that before the end of sept things will change; for the better with the two of us. So I'll leave this disclaimer to anyone who reads this, and if I wasn't on a sidekick I'd put it in size 16, bold, italicized super color so it stands out; but I can't so I'll say it twice.
I am not giving up on the two of us, and I don't believe that this is over, so unless you have positive feedback, don't talk to me about it; or I will erase you from my mind. Don't bother trying to tell me that this isn't necissary, because we both know relationships have pitfalls. If there is nothing positive to be said to me in regards to me, her or us; you'll be dead to me. I have faith in me and her; I believe in miracles and happiness, and I will always love her.
-ahem-
I am not giving up on the two of us, and I don't believe that this is over, so unless you have positive feedback, don't talk to me about it; or I will erase you from my mind. Don't bother trying to tell me that this isn't necissary, because we both know relationships have pitfalls. If there is nothing positive to be said to me in regards to me, her or us; you'll be dead to me. I have faith in me and her; I believe in miracles and happiness, and I will always love her.
So, that's been the thought process for the last few days; and as of right now I feel less heavyheaded; heart still hurts tho; and I'm still sick, yes love-sickness does exist. I'll be writing a lot more...get cha reading glasses ready.
(Oh, to answer the question that you probably have; the term hari-kiri is Japanese for suicide. Take that how you want, my titles are always self explanitory.)
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