Welp, Ancient Mystical Scrolls of the Future; things seem to be going well with us; I've gotte answers to questions I've been asking for a while; and yes they were what I suspected. So, I am on the right track, in the right direction but there's an obstruction on the track, so its sloooowwwwwed down to a snails pace. Its cool, cause even a snail gets to where he's going eventually, he just has to be patient. Problem is, as cool as the snails pace is, I have the patience of a humming bird. I do want her to come back; but I don't want to rush anything, and I don't want her to feel that something is going to go awry...I know she wants that feeling back, and I know I can give it to her; but at this moment, she's afraid, dipped into her shell; and all I'm asking right now is that she takes my hand in full faith & flies with me to neverland; not the ranch, but where pete pan and the lost boys stay...I want nothing more than to see the smile back on the face; hear the melodious tone when she wakes up, the angellic chorus of laughter when we're watching something funny, and the soothing sounds of the snores before sleeping; alliteration aside; I want nothing more than the void that I have which is now bigger; to be fillled completely by her again. I offered her my hand in marriage before, but now I have offered up my soul, hopefully since she does see where our connection lies she will let me set up shop in her heart, and treat it like my own. Protect it like she desires; and fill her spirit with the same infinite joy and happiness she had before the confusion hit.
So, I've turned every which way but inside out trying to find some sort of solace and any type of explanation or direction as to what to do in this scenario, and so far; I've tossed a lot of people whom I thought were my friends to the wayside for the fact that they either didn't have any positive advice, or good advice to give; now, my friends offered me advice; and the closest ones gave me the real. Which is why I respect them more than anything. But even still I've faded into the shadows in my dealings with them; only a select few have been around through the saga so far. I've even distanced myself from my best friend, simply because he can't offer me any serious advice; and I'm honestly tired of hearing cry about the same thing over and over: "I need a girlfriend" but since he has a good woman sitting infront of him all the while he says this, I've given up on helping him with his situation. He's being stupid. Love him to death, but he's not turning 22 yet, he's turning 16 plus 6, ask me to explain, I might get on that in the next blog; I'm not sure yet. Ok anyway, so I've cut him out of my decision making and relationship discussions, because he's not even sure how he wants his love life to be set up, its funny because the jokes he makes about me and a few of the homies from the old hood actually show that he's jealous of us. My babe called me the last time I was up there when we were on our way to dave & busters, and he was simply laughing and making jokes, a very immature thing to do. Love him to death, but he's confused, and as much as me & J try to help him he can't seem to understand. Anyway, I'm digressing again. I love her and tonight, I think I read the most confusing words & statements when coupled with what I learned earlier in the week. Just to let you know, Students of the Craft; there is absolutely nothing that I wouldn't do for that girl. I know ,I know; I tend to exagerate a lot and use tons of hyperbole, but right now I'm so serious in what I'm saying there isn't much that could change my mind. The problem is isnce my mind is made up on joining the two forces in the universe that do belong and I'm insistant on returning our relationship prominance; I have to patiently wait for Kila to come around, now I've told her these exact statements on many different occasions; it just seems that at this particular moment she has a hard time coming to grips with what I'm saying. Eventhough straight from Kila's mouth she said she knows its right and that she knows we belong; I told her if she was afraid take my hand and I'll make sure everything is under control. What's funny is the way we were living before was two together, Lauren & Frank; but now I see that things were going the wrong way because we chose to let ourselves try and guide without the help of the other on either side. Neither one of us wants to do the other wrong, and neither one of us wants to see the other fail, but we do want total happiness and we both know the other has that for us. So what I do know is that when, yeah I said when we do get back; it won't be Lauren and Frank anymore it'll just be Frauren or Laurank or some other weird combination of our names that I don't feel like coming up with, but it will symbolize us as one being not two seperate entities. Dig? I know you do, that's why you're still reading, duh!
So like, its tough man, knowing there are things that are supposed to come about but I'm not one to rush; I'm a laid back person except with matters of my own heart and this is one of those time when I'm not sure if I want to push, because if I push too far it might fall; and that's something I don't want to happen. A quote:
"Perfection is something that is not achieved by one person, as much as they may try; perfection takes two, both of whom have to work equally as hard to see it through. It can only be achieved when both reach the Apex and decide there is something more to be discovered; that's when they hit the stride to perfection; because at that apex, all the world is in awe of how it looks, and are stuck in wonderment as to what could possibly come next. Jealousy is never too far behind, and will always play a part, but its when the jealousy starts overflowing into spite is when you know its achieved."
As of right now; I'm finished with this blog. My thoughts are the same, and la, I know you'll read this; there is no reason we should be apart right now, especially with what you know, and what we've been through thus far. We are support systems, besties not factored in; the things we had will be there, but the things we will have will dwarf them in comparisson all I ask of you; is to simply give me your hand and let us begin a new...
(Anybody else, feel free to comment with a second title, cause my brain is frazzled on it; as well as anything else you feel the need to say)
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1 comment:
Honestly, Frank, I think you've pretty much got things figured out. I don't think there's much puzzle solving to do at this point. Since you've got the answers to your questions, you're set. All you've got to do it wait. Be patient and magic will happen.
.. And I know more than anyone that you're far from being ready to wait this thing out. But you'll manage. I know you will.
Just keep in mind what your ultimate goal is and it'll keep you on track. Don't let your impulses let you lose sight of what you're working for.
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