Man.
Raise you're hand if you're an avid reader
Raise you're hand if i've given you a nickname at some point.
OK good.
All the rest of you?
Please feel free to sodomize yourself with a fire poker
thats been in a furnace all day. plzthxbai.
Raise you're hand if you're an avid reader
Raise you're hand if i've given you a nickname at some point.
OK good.
All the rest of you?
Please feel free to sodomize yourself with a fire poker
thats been in a furnace all day. plzthxbai.
So now that thats out of the way:
Juggs; Zig; Teenz feel free to scroll to the very bottom of this page.
not the blog; the entire page.
you see that picture? why can't that feeling come back.
i dont seem to understand why when the whole T. Initiative was going on and i was just playing kickback when i had a suspicion that something was happening but didnt care to dwell or think about it at all, it was all gravy train and southern biscuits; but the instance someone eles pops up on my end; and a few texts happen to show up; even though they meant about as much as the atomic number and weight of a quark, the whole world falls to shit, skies darken acid rains fall; thoughts of things being forgotten and expunged are out the window; talks of returning gifts; forgetful manners of things that have happened in the past to bring us to this situation...all seem to fly faster than the concorde to france.
Go Fuckin Figure.
All i want is a normal 13 or so days to pass, so that there can be the most awesome collection of 7 day activities to ever hit the earths life cycle since the death, ressurection, and subsequent miracles of J. H. Christ himself. What i cant seem to figure out is how, since the "deadening" has taken place with the unnamed; its like all previous transgressions that have been discussed; like the hand thing
apparently there is alot of stuff that happened that i didnt know about
but coincidentally when i asked it doesnt seem to want to show up and be put on front street...
So; at this point; im almost losing my thought process and my writing style.
So, im just going to hold a conversation.
Keep Up if you can...
Dude.
Sup, Duke?
Talk to me, bruh.
About?
Quite possibly the greatest thing in my life ever.
Explain.
Death; Destruction; Theft; Extortion; every possible way to eat runs through my head; stealing cars; robbing banks; cleaning houses out; taking the 40gs from lowes' cash registers...it all swirls around.
For what?
Her and our happiness.
How so?
I feel that the woman i love; have given my heart to and want to settle down with; whom happens to live 3500 miles away deserves much more than i have to offer her now; and i've been sitting here every day for the last 2 months thinking and balancing and weighing and contemplating and discussing things with us about how i can make this work.
Yeah
but every conclusion i have devised ends up with me being soul-crushed, and her ending up with some random fucknigga who i KNOW could never take my place.
Bruh; i feel you
I dont think you do, you know my inner workings better than anybody on the planet. moms tried; she failed called a shrink, shrink had as much luck as 3day old bread. You were there for the adderall comic genius fiasco.
lol; mhm
If i knew then what i knew now; ida had maaaaaaaad money in my pocket in high school...instead of actin like i was takin em.
Yeah, i agree.
But i just dont understand the only thing i can see myself doing is just packin all my shit in the back of a uHaul, hittin the hiiiigh way; try to get some money the fly way, and spend the rest of my days houseless out in cali, just so i can spend time and give everything i have to that girl.
Do you think...
Yeah; i really do. contrary to all the bullshit i've done in the past and all the transgressions i've put her through all the confusion thats happened; its so odd for me to see someone who actually cares & loves me enough to put up with the boolsheet; stick with me through all the nonsense, help me quit the one true vice i had. one of the few to light a fire under me when i was to the point of almost quittin wendys. the only person outside of the surrogate brother i have who can actually tame the inner fire i happen to have and keep me from spazzin out on various occasions. its tough for me to even contemplate trying to come up with a feasable replacement for me when i do sit back and think of one of my favorite quotes of all time; you know which one
Yeah; if you love some one set them free...
...if they love you; they'll come back
Yeah; or something along that nature.
Mhm; so i have sat here and contemplated what would happen if i did say: "Eh, lauren you know i love you and we've been together for two years now and everything has been going good for the most part; well as to my understanding it has, but its just when i do see that your not happy it really pains me inside. i just wish there was a way i could do everything in my power to just bring us together for just one hour of the day every day if we have to spend such distances apart; but i cant do that... and i just want you to be happy; like genuinely happy; living life vicarious and youthful like you should be not stressed about your boyfriend or his whereabouts or none of that nonsense. i wish i could be there to do quintessential boyfriend shit with you; but i cant due to travel issues; so as much as it pains me to say i want us to end this."
But; uhh...
Nah, i fight with it every day; yes i understand we have discussed the fact that i really do want to marry this girl; and yes i want her to be the mother of my children; and yes the one i want my Father, one of the 3 people i can truly say i actually love and would give anything for without hesitation; to meet. That would put a huge smile on his face; which would probably break me down into tears cause im fighting them back now.
Man that shit up nigga...what with tears and all...
Nigga; fuck you. i love this girl. as it stands now its tough to say what reaction would come of this; and to be honest; i cant see em comin down my eyes; so i gotta make this blog cry.
You must really hate the summer huh?
Very fucking funny you diseased rhino piss. since 2000 none of the summer months have ever been good to me. what makes it even worse is that my damn birthday falls in June; and great news: the last three years, yanno the ones i've been looking forward too, have all turned out shitty. and it seems that #4 just might be ending up that way as well.
Soo...what are you gonna do?
I dont fuckin know; i have nowhere else to turn for advice. everybody i spin around and go to has something they are going through and being how i am; i just push my shit down to the deepest recesses and help them. and when i finally do get alone time; instead of bringing up my problems to try and solve them i just grab the psp and escape into the wonderful world of gaming.
So when you were writing this you were psp'n it up?
Nah; i was on the phone with Fiance.
Oh; what happened?
Allllllllllllllllot of shit hit the fan.
We are not fond of shitty fans.
Not in the slightest.
Whats going to be the outcome?
You mean before or after i wipe the tears out of my wells?
I told you to man that shit up...after.
Well, when the wells dry up again, i'm gonna call her back, but i dont think that will be before i finish this blog; i only have 8mins to do so, and im trying to push this whole argument/discrepency out of my damn head. but it doesnt seem to want to go.
You know Side B; you can really be a fucking dick some times dude.
Yeah i know; there is a way to balance that out tho. It takes time and patience.
Uh; i could have sworn we actually did balance it out to the point where nothing would come of us hurting lauren ever again.
Well this is what happens when we start to do good; and something says: well this fuckery is enough to stand from anybody. wool doesnt get pulled over my eyes for very long. you know where i was brought up and developed at.
Yeah. well aware. , i was there remember?
Yeah i know; so by that nature; you also know how difficult it is for me to trust someone; and how things have to be shown and proven to me to actually get away from the anti-trust issue that i have grown to keep as my own...
Yes; very well aware. its what's gotten us this far, and how we can go out on limbs with people; simply because we can go and then strive on our own anyway. knowing from past experiences no one is to trust; and in the end soembody will try to fuck you over.
Exactly. but you have to remember one thing: You told us almost 8mths ago; that this girl was the one you really wanted to spend your life with; correct?
Yes.
And what did you end up doing when you touched down from cali?
Thought about what christmas was going to be for us; and what i was gonna get her on a shitty ass salary.
And here you came with the most thoughtful gift someone could give even though that have next to nothing. your most prized two possessions the two that you never went anywhere without.
Yeah i know; and i think about her with them on every waking moment; but the heartsinker...
Yeah i remember; she told you she didnt wear it all the time; i was there, i was the reason you second guessed it; simply because i gave you every possible scenario in any instance if any that it should be taken off; and if it was, put right back on.
Yeah; dude i know...dont really wanna talk about that; cause i just assume its on all the time now; that way i dont have to think about it.
Fair enough. have you done anything else recently to give her the sweet reminders?
No...
well maybe thats it; maybe she's seeking affection from these other random dudes whom you personally know never will stand up to the amount of love affection and general admiration you have for her and all she's doing.
Dude, if it was that easy to just drop 7 or 8 hunnit this wouldnt even be a discussion. fuck the other niggas and what they think; they are after one thing and we both know it doesnt have four chambers.
Yes; im well aware of what they want as opposed to us. but sit back and ponder this for a second: You want this girl to be yours from now until the end of time; (No justin) but you can only do but so much to keep her when you arent with her. i know personally all of the romantic things you want to do; every possible show of affection; all the small shit she doesnt realize will come of our relationship as soon as we are in a 3 mile radius. but its just a matter of you having to change first. Yes, you like to flirt, we understand that; you're a charismatic motherfucker for you to just turn the charisma off; is like saying stop the turbines in the hoover dam. its possible; but dude thats a huge discrepency. but the problem lies in the fact that even though we dont see it; maaad people think we are attractive motherfuckers. i still say we dont; but hey we get the compliments alot; and small subtle shit about how we really dont give no fucks about our genearl appeal to the rest of the world; may actually be something else that attracts. iono what the fuck we have; but we have to find a way to bring that shit back.
Dude, even our extreme dweebishness doesnt work anymore. like; the fact that im knowlegable in games, tech, sports, and comics is like drawing people in.
We're going to just have to play dumb then.
Dude; in this age; all the niggas is playin dumb, so thats not working. what about the corny role?
Nah; we tried that before; and it just comes off quirky.
Alright; what about maaaaad disrespectful?
They like that more than the nerd shit.
So; we just gonna put our faces back in the comics and psp's and shit; keep it movin that way
Might work; Might could. i mean hell nobody listens to our music as it is anyway; and im tooo animated to be in public with people who give a damn about their public appearance anyway; so im already half way there. You just need to catch up and stop being so damn charismatic all the damn time. Get...
CONDESCENDING!
Brilliant; just treat everyone outside of those whom i love like shit. complete and utter. considering dan; la dad and mom are already used to how i act and react to people anyway; just stop taking remorse in it for real stop sparing feelings; and such of that nature. maybe the peoples will just leave us the fuck alone...
Eh, who knows...fuck em fuck em all. All i know is; we know where our friends lie; mhm
And as much as she hates to deal with it; Juggs; Teenz & Zig wont be leaving anytime soon. Sami's singin at our wedding; and Dan will end up with his own wing at our mansion. its just destined to happen that way. and you fuckin know it.
Dude; stop telling me shit that i already know and go get your fuckin woman back.
Yeah; im gone dude; its already back in motion; think im gonna buy an engagement ring soon too.
Juggs; Zig; Teenz feel free to scroll to the very bottom of this page.
not the blog; the entire page.
you see that picture? why can't that feeling come back.
i dont seem to understand why when the whole T. Initiative was going on and i was just playing kickback when i had a suspicion that something was happening but didnt care to dwell or think about it at all, it was all gravy train and southern biscuits; but the instance someone eles pops up on my end; and a few texts happen to show up; even though they meant about as much as the atomic number and weight of a quark, the whole world falls to shit, skies darken acid rains fall; thoughts of things being forgotten and expunged are out the window; talks of returning gifts; forgetful manners of things that have happened in the past to bring us to this situation...all seem to fly faster than the concorde to france.
Go Fuckin Figure.
All i want is a normal 13 or so days to pass, so that there can be the most awesome collection of 7 day activities to ever hit the earths life cycle since the death, ressurection, and subsequent miracles of J. H. Christ himself. What i cant seem to figure out is how, since the "deadening" has taken place with the unnamed; its like all previous transgressions that have been discussed; like the hand thing
apparently there is alot of stuff that happened that i didnt know about
but coincidentally when i asked it doesnt seem to want to show up and be put on front street...
So; at this point; im almost losing my thought process and my writing style.
So, im just going to hold a conversation.
Keep Up if you can...
Dude.
Sup, Duke?
Talk to me, bruh.
About?
Quite possibly the greatest thing in my life ever.
Explain.
Death; Destruction; Theft; Extortion; every possible way to eat runs through my head; stealing cars; robbing banks; cleaning houses out; taking the 40gs from lowes' cash registers...it all swirls around.
For what?
Her and our happiness.
How so?
I feel that the woman i love; have given my heart to and want to settle down with; whom happens to live 3500 miles away deserves much more than i have to offer her now; and i've been sitting here every day for the last 2 months thinking and balancing and weighing and contemplating and discussing things with us about how i can make this work.
Yeah
but every conclusion i have devised ends up with me being soul-crushed, and her ending up with some random fucknigga who i KNOW could never take my place.
Bruh; i feel you
I dont think you do, you know my inner workings better than anybody on the planet. moms tried; she failed called a shrink, shrink had as much luck as 3day old bread. You were there for the adderall comic genius fiasco.
lol; mhm
If i knew then what i knew now; ida had maaaaaaaad money in my pocket in high school...instead of actin like i was takin em.
Yeah, i agree.
But i just dont understand the only thing i can see myself doing is just packin all my shit in the back of a uHaul, hittin the hiiiigh way; try to get some money the fly way, and spend the rest of my days houseless out in cali, just so i can spend time and give everything i have to that girl.
Do you think...
Yeah; i really do. contrary to all the bullshit i've done in the past and all the transgressions i've put her through all the confusion thats happened; its so odd for me to see someone who actually cares & loves me enough to put up with the boolsheet; stick with me through all the nonsense, help me quit the one true vice i had. one of the few to light a fire under me when i was to the point of almost quittin wendys. the only person outside of the surrogate brother i have who can actually tame the inner fire i happen to have and keep me from spazzin out on various occasions. its tough for me to even contemplate trying to come up with a feasable replacement for me when i do sit back and think of one of my favorite quotes of all time; you know which one
Yeah; if you love some one set them free...
...if they love you; they'll come back
Yeah; or something along that nature.
Mhm; so i have sat here and contemplated what would happen if i did say: "Eh, lauren you know i love you and we've been together for two years now and everything has been going good for the most part; well as to my understanding it has, but its just when i do see that your not happy it really pains me inside. i just wish there was a way i could do everything in my power to just bring us together for just one hour of the day every day if we have to spend such distances apart; but i cant do that... and i just want you to be happy; like genuinely happy; living life vicarious and youthful like you should be not stressed about your boyfriend or his whereabouts or none of that nonsense. i wish i could be there to do quintessential boyfriend shit with you; but i cant due to travel issues; so as much as it pains me to say i want us to end this."
But; uhh...
Nah, i fight with it every day; yes i understand we have discussed the fact that i really do want to marry this girl; and yes i want her to be the mother of my children; and yes the one i want my Father, one of the 3 people i can truly say i actually love and would give anything for without hesitation; to meet. That would put a huge smile on his face; which would probably break me down into tears cause im fighting them back now.
Man that shit up nigga...what with tears and all...
Nigga; fuck you. i love this girl. as it stands now its tough to say what reaction would come of this; and to be honest; i cant see em comin down my eyes; so i gotta make this blog cry.
You must really hate the summer huh?
Very fucking funny you diseased rhino piss. since 2000 none of the summer months have ever been good to me. what makes it even worse is that my damn birthday falls in June; and great news: the last three years, yanno the ones i've been looking forward too, have all turned out shitty. and it seems that #4 just might be ending up that way as well.
Soo...what are you gonna do?
I dont fuckin know; i have nowhere else to turn for advice. everybody i spin around and go to has something they are going through and being how i am; i just push my shit down to the deepest recesses and help them. and when i finally do get alone time; instead of bringing up my problems to try and solve them i just grab the psp and escape into the wonderful world of gaming.
So when you were writing this you were psp'n it up?
Nah; i was on the phone with Fiance.
Oh; what happened?
Allllllllllllllllot of shit hit the fan.
We are not fond of shitty fans.
Not in the slightest.
Whats going to be the outcome?
You mean before or after i wipe the tears out of my wells?
I told you to man that shit up...after.
Well, when the wells dry up again, i'm gonna call her back, but i dont think that will be before i finish this blog; i only have 8mins to do so, and im trying to push this whole argument/discrepency out of my damn head. but it doesnt seem to want to go.
You know Side B; you can really be a fucking dick some times dude.
Yeah i know; there is a way to balance that out tho. It takes time and patience.
Uh; i could have sworn we actually did balance it out to the point where nothing would come of us hurting lauren ever again.
Well this is what happens when we start to do good; and something says: well this fuckery is enough to stand from anybody. wool doesnt get pulled over my eyes for very long. you know where i was brought up and developed at.
Yeah. well aware. , i was there remember?
Yeah i know; so by that nature; you also know how difficult it is for me to trust someone; and how things have to be shown and proven to me to actually get away from the anti-trust issue that i have grown to keep as my own...
Yes; very well aware. its what's gotten us this far, and how we can go out on limbs with people; simply because we can go and then strive on our own anyway. knowing from past experiences no one is to trust; and in the end soembody will try to fuck you over.
Exactly. but you have to remember one thing: You told us almost 8mths ago; that this girl was the one you really wanted to spend your life with; correct?
Yes.
And what did you end up doing when you touched down from cali?
Thought about what christmas was going to be for us; and what i was gonna get her on a shitty ass salary.
And here you came with the most thoughtful gift someone could give even though that have next to nothing. your most prized two possessions the two that you never went anywhere without.
Yeah i know; and i think about her with them on every waking moment; but the heartsinker...
Yeah i remember; she told you she didnt wear it all the time; i was there, i was the reason you second guessed it; simply because i gave you every possible scenario in any instance if any that it should be taken off; and if it was, put right back on.
Yeah; dude i know...dont really wanna talk about that; cause i just assume its on all the time now; that way i dont have to think about it.
Fair enough. have you done anything else recently to give her the sweet reminders?
No...
well maybe thats it; maybe she's seeking affection from these other random dudes whom you personally know never will stand up to the amount of love affection and general admiration you have for her and all she's doing.
Dude, if it was that easy to just drop 7 or 8 hunnit this wouldnt even be a discussion. fuck the other niggas and what they think; they are after one thing and we both know it doesnt have four chambers.
Yes; im well aware of what they want as opposed to us. but sit back and ponder this for a second: You want this girl to be yours from now until the end of time; (No justin) but you can only do but so much to keep her when you arent with her. i know personally all of the romantic things you want to do; every possible show of affection; all the small shit she doesnt realize will come of our relationship as soon as we are in a 3 mile radius. but its just a matter of you having to change first. Yes, you like to flirt, we understand that; you're a charismatic motherfucker for you to just turn the charisma off; is like saying stop the turbines in the hoover dam. its possible; but dude thats a huge discrepency. but the problem lies in the fact that even though we dont see it; maaad people think we are attractive motherfuckers. i still say we dont; but hey we get the compliments alot; and small subtle shit about how we really dont give no fucks about our genearl appeal to the rest of the world; may actually be something else that attracts. iono what the fuck we have; but we have to find a way to bring that shit back.
Dude, even our extreme dweebishness doesnt work anymore. like; the fact that im knowlegable in games, tech, sports, and comics is like drawing people in.
We're going to just have to play dumb then.
Dude; in this age; all the niggas is playin dumb, so thats not working. what about the corny role?
Nah; we tried that before; and it just comes off quirky.
Alright; what about maaaaad disrespectful?
They like that more than the nerd shit.
So; we just gonna put our faces back in the comics and psp's and shit; keep it movin that way
Might work; Might could. i mean hell nobody listens to our music as it is anyway; and im tooo animated to be in public with people who give a damn about their public appearance anyway; so im already half way there. You just need to catch up and stop being so damn charismatic all the damn time. Get...
CONDESCENDING!
Brilliant; just treat everyone outside of those whom i love like shit. complete and utter. considering dan; la dad and mom are already used to how i act and react to people anyway; just stop taking remorse in it for real stop sparing feelings; and such of that nature. maybe the peoples will just leave us the fuck alone...
Eh, who knows...fuck em fuck em all. All i know is; we know where our friends lie; mhm
And as much as she hates to deal with it; Juggs; Teenz & Zig wont be leaving anytime soon. Sami's singin at our wedding; and Dan will end up with his own wing at our mansion. its just destined to happen that way. and you fuckin know it.
Dude; stop telling me shit that i already know and go get your fuckin woman back.
Yeah; im gone dude; its already back in motion; think im gonna buy an engagement ring soon too.
Thanks for listening self; i know its hard when the best advice giver is your own inner demon. But sometimes you are your best friend and own worst enemy. but when i can finally cope with my interior and exterior...man the days will be great in the land of Oz. oh and i think im just gonna go and get me a youngbul apprentice so that all of this shit that i know...can be passed on and put to good use.
Za we gotta get that seminar rollin homie!
Za we gotta get that seminar rollin homie!
